MMost of us can always have conflicting thoughts in our heads. It’s a basic condition to accomplish something. Faced with the most trivial tasks, my first response is that most of the time I don’t want to do it. After that, I want to do it. Moving from one state to another requires some kind of internal training. Think about how comfortable it is to be on the other side of this ridge. Imagine what would happen if I just stopped doing things. Who can’t deal with the food that started particularly badly last week in the Oxford AstraZeneca Vaccine news? Three opposite ideas came to my mind. The end of the pandemic is finally visible. Infection rates will continue to rise from now on, and many will die. And most confusingly, I don’t know if I’m ready to return to the world.
Almost certainly, there are compound words in German in anticipation of future nostalgia. I realize it with my children. I now see mine reaching the first milestone and experience cramps of what feels like a loss. Convinced that this period will be a huge part of my hard drive at an unspecified time in the future. It makes me sad what happened and what happened. The intensity of this period, many of which pass by to stay undisturbed in scramble, will look different at distances of 10 or 20 years.
It’s a feeling that looks forward to next year and an inevitable resumption of something like everyday life. There are many things to be happy to run. Traveling and seeing my family again. The simple joy of meeting a friend for a drink without wondering if it’s an indulgence that would kill me; let the kids actually go to school. Read the news without worrying about the number of deaths or the image of people dying alone in the Covid Ward.
But below that, there is something that feels vaguely horrifying. Perhaps some people will jump out of bed every morning, jump in well and spend the day head-on. Some people need huge primary negotiations about their fatigue-the majority certainly-the involvement with the to-do list. During the pandemic, meeting cancellations, zero trips, endless opportunities to avoid those you hate gently, and daily alibi siren songs for not taking a shower are terrible, disoriented, and It tended to induce depression and cause panic. But let’s face it. Some aspects of it were also the establishment and indulgence of our wildest dreams.
“I want to be around people who don’t want me to talk,” a friend wrote to me in text the other day-we don’t talk on the phone. It takes too much effort – and I figured out exactly what she meant. A few days later, I had a zoom meeting for work. This was a horrifying imposition, and I had to dig deeper and regain the face of a lively game, allowing it to appear without washing my hair. The other person on the call was less than five miles away in Brooklyn, and the fact that I didn’t have to take the subway to see her feel like a little gift from God.
One side of this conflict-I want to go back to my old life. I don’t want to go back to old life – a simple de-socialization. I recently watch TV shows and movies in reflective horror in a crowded bar scene where no one wears a mask. Living for a year in the pain of a fatal illness contributed to a sense of overall vulnerability that had nothing to do with the pandemic. Now I can’t think of taking a five-hour flight to fulfill my duty 3,000 miles away from my kids. What if the plane goes down? (I was always wondering what would happen if the plane went down, but I was able to avoid it before the pandemic). How can we take risks when the very idea of danger, which we spend a lot of time rationalizing, is fully realized and proved to be real?
This all goes through. In a year or so, if you’re lucky, most of us will be back in business altogether as usual. This time of year looks eccentric and ridiculous. So, not because it was good that it happened, but because it was peculiar, it exposes us to great nostalgia. Last year was horrifying in many ways, but nonetheless, just a few of me don’t want to end it because I know it marks us in time.
• Emma Brokes is a Guardian columnist
Vaccines are good news, but am I really ready to go back to the world? | Coronavirus
Source link Vaccines are good news, but am I really ready to go back to the world? | Coronavirus