Dear Annie: Dad Can’t Deal With Adults | Advice

Dear Annie: I have been with my boyfriend “Scott” for almost 11 years. We have been together since high school.

I had a baby when I was young, but since I was legally old, I just took a break for maternity leave and worked. Scott didn’t start working until our daughter was two years old. He worked for a small company, where he ran his place. He was the only company there. They didn’t pay him for weekend work, they paid him almost late every month, and given what he was in charge of, he paid very low wages. He eventually quit his job and came back a year later for a few months.

Since then, he hasn’t asked for a job. When he quit for the second time, he said he didn’t like the job, so he said he needed to find another job right away.

It’s been three years since then. Now that he has quit his job, he was able to become a stay-at-home husband, so we say we didn’t have to pay for childcare. I could hardly make any income from my income alone.

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Now I want to go to college, so I need to step up to him. He agreed to work part-time while I was in school, and I will continue to work on weekends. He doesn’t have a license, so we’ll buy him a bike. He needs to update his ID before he is ready for work.

You can’t get him to apply for a job. I even offered to fill out an application for him, but he refused to give me his email address, so I can’t even start the application. I ask him why, and he says he feels he’s not ready to do it. We have an overall plan to prepare him and applying it a week before getting his ID doesn’t make a big difference.

He doesn’t convey his feelings. He shuts down whenever he talks about his feelings. I need to work for him. Otherwise you will not be able to pay the rent. Even if you break up with him, your income to maintain an apartment will not increase while you are in school.

How can I get him motivated to work and get him to communicate with me? I start school in early summer, so there is a time limit!

— Deal with dad’s unexploded ordnance

Dealing with Dear Unexploded Ordnance: First, tap your back. Wanting to go to college, working to support yourself and your family, raising a daughter, and getting a household budget show how hard and ambitious you are.

Start by organizing your logistics. Sit with Scott to cover everything from your schedule to childcare to your basic monthly budget and discuss how to do this job. He may feel overwhelmed and unprepared because he doesn’t understand what the days will be like.

But anxiety aside, tell him that under no circumstances can he continue to act like another child you have to take care of.

Annie Lane, a graduate of New York Law School and New York University, is writing this column for the Creators Syndicate.Email your question

Dear Annie: Dad Can’t Deal With Adults | Advice

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